Little shout out the the coffee gods!!

I was in a pretty dark place last night, but it's totally amazing how therapeutic that sweet, sweet nectar of the Gods can be. A strait from the oven cinnamon roll and a hot cup of coffee can cure close to anything...I feel like I could run a marathon....eh, maybe I'll just clean the house instead!
L

A little pity party...number attending? One.

AF showed up today, and I cried. I cried because I was almost 10 days late, and while I've always been on a 30+ day cycle, you still talk yourself into the whole baby idea whether you want one or not. Husband says we're done, and even I on most days if asked would agree.

In my mind, I know we should be done...we have two happy, healthy kids, and really, what more could you ask for. I just don't know if I will ever be able to with any kind of reality, close the door on that part of my life. That part is really the most wonderful, magical, precious, fulfilling space in time that will forever be with me. Even with the little bit of drama that came with the first, and the misery that came at the end with number two, I'm totally and completely still as in love with that part as ever. I know there are very cool things to come with the next chapter of raising these little wonders, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. When you become a mother, even from the first glimpse of that beautiful double line you will never be the same...you are forever changed in the most wonderous way, and to have such closer with all of that is heart-breaking and something I don't think I will ever be able to fully do. To never be able to hold one of my babies so neatly in my arms again is something I'm having a very hard time doing. And no, having my husband say "I'm sorry, but I don't want any more" is not some magic wand that makes it all go away. I'm not sure that this feeling ever will....so for now, I will go kiss my beautiful little ones that are not so little anymore, and try to put this sadness back up on it's little shelf....I'm sure I'll get it down again someday....
L

So when did six become the new sixteen?

I'm just curious because I seem to have a pre-pubescent monster in my midst. When did I go from being the greatest thing walking to the most embarrassing person known to man? I remember when it was just Em and me...dad was always at work so it was just the two of us...pals, buddies, mamacita and babylove. Now, omgosh Mom!! WHAT! When the heck did I become mom? I put my sweet baby to bed with her saying "goodnight Mama!" to this psycho
chick moaning "where are my pancakes....MOM!!!"

I'm hoping it gets easier...at least that's what gets me through the night...
L

I Wish....

I wish....two very simple words that we all use everyday...not really putting any thought into the meaning behind it. It's mainly in the context of "I wish this driver would move!" or "I wish work was over." I try and think of my "I wishes" as goals....it's fun to sit down and really think about what you wish for....they can be as realistic or fanciful as you want...that's the beauty of it. So...here's some of mine.

I wish I was thinner...(working on it and getting there..little by little), I wish there were more money and less bills, I wish I was less of a pack rat, I wish I could figure a way to slow time down, I wish it was more feasible to have another baby, I wish I could find a cure for cancer and Alzheimer's, I wish I could get my daughter to stop rolling her eyes at me, I wish I could get those Hannah Montana tickets for her, I wish I could let go of jealousy, I wish I could calm down and stop living in the land of what if, I wish I could get rid of this agoraphobia, I wish I could be comfortable around people, I wish I could let down my guard, I wish for more time with my husband, I wish my grass would cut itself, I wish I were closer with my extended family, I wish I could let go of certain anger issues I still cling to, I wish I could blow off certain things, I wish I didn't worry so much, especially about things I can't change, I wish I could just let go period, I wish for a certain amount of wealth...not the obscene kind...just to be comfortable, and not worry about bills and what if's..., I wish I could not care so much about what people think, I wish for health and happiness for my family and friends....to be here all together for a very long time, I wish to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, and granddaughter, I wish for a life after this one....that this isn't all there is....that we're all here for a purpose and after that is done, there is something else for us....that all of the things I believe are true and the end comes, it's not the end, but a new beginning for us.....

For my Husband..."The man behind the star."

It takes a special kind of man
to wear a star and gun
To devote his life entirely to fight
the battles that must be won.

So often he's not appreciated
for the job he has sworn to do.
But he'd gladly lay down his life
because he wears that star for you.

Some seem to think
that he really has it made
That all he does is ride around
for the salary he's paid.

But every time trouble appears
he's the first one that they call.
it's only then they realize
he's special after all.

There's a man behind that star
who has feelings just like you.
So seldom does he get praise
for all the things he'll do.

If you ever stop and think
of what he faces day and night
You'd respect what he stands for
and learn to treat him right.

There a man behind that star
and he's not made of steel
and the things we watch on T.V.
to him are very real.

He has a family of his own
he can laugh and he can cry
Each day he puts on that star
could be his day to die

He chose to uphold the law
a decision made from his heart
To protect us with his life and give
each child a better start.

Try always to remember
there's a man behind the star
and he'll be the first to help you
no matter who you are

You should say a prayer each night,
to thank God that he's there.
When you see him on the streets,
you should show him that you care.

Without the sacrifice he makes,
we'd always live in fear,
He should be commended
to wear the star he holds so dear.

He's never turned his back on you,
faced danger close and far.
All Americans should salute
the man behind the star.

by

Traci Rutherford

My Little Man and his first hunting trip!!!

He thinks he's so big and special because daddy took him on his very first hunting trip! He's growing up so fast!!

PS...I hope not to offend any anti-hunting individuals out there...I'm far from a hunter, but I did marry one, lol!!

Have I mentioned I love these kids?

If not...I sooooo do!!!

When teddy bears go bad...

then they have to be arrested. I guess one of little man's bears was stepping out of line because he was forced to take him to jail...and what a fight it was. Little man had to chase him all the way from his room and tackle him...then while trying to get his arms in the proper cuffing position, I suppose the bear was getting sassy and Little Man ordered him to put his head down and stop resisting. Then he reached around to the waist band of his happy feet undies (standard uniform for the Homestead SO is of course t-shirt and undies...we like to keep it real around here) to get his cuffs and finally put the criminal bear under restraint. It was quite an ordeal, but I'm happy to say that this lovey will no longer be a problem....whew! LMAO...it's never boring around here!
L

Who can you trust?

As it seems, not the woman who we have called friend and family for the past, oh lets see, almost 15 years. My parents got her the job she has now, helped her move several times, supported her through a divorce and any other mess she got her self into. They hid her from debt collectors (still are) and are the reason she has kept the job she has now. If it hadn't been for them, she'd been fired long ago.

A little back story...My daddy has been working for the same company for well over 35 years and is the reason it's still running today. My mother has also been involved with the business in some form or fashion for just as long and has personally worked there for over ten years. They got this woman her job a few years back out of the kindness of their hearts....they wanted to help out their "friend". The company got into tax trouble thanks to the owner and was sold. Not to the person who has kept it going, fought to keep crap trucks running, kept accounts from going else where, but to two bumbling idiots who decided they wanted to play with a wrecker company, so went to daddy to buy them one. They wouldn't know the ass end of a truck if it was stuck right in their noses. They have no idea how to run a business, so they hire the bank to the finances, a lawyer to run the wrecker safety, and a bunch of cold bitches to run the phones. They have given my mother's job to those said bitches that also wouldn't know common sense if it was shoved completely up their bums.

This said "friend" has done her best to force my mother out....talking behind her back, bad mouthing her to the bosses, and anything else she could do. She is extremely cold to my mother who has done nothing but support her and stand by her through everything. Mom let her into her life, her kids lives and now her grand kids. The fact that we let her into every aspect of our lives makes me sick. Countless times she would take both her and her mother out, treat them to a day of what ever they wanted to do (mainly because between them they have nothing) because she felt for them and wanted to make them happy. She'd listen to them bitch about everything wrong with their lives and the one time she needed them for support because emotionally, she was going through a rough time, she got told how stupid she was...she had no right to feel that way because she had a wonderful husband, good kids, a home and stability....she was crazy and needed mental help. That's the thanks she gets for so many years of friendship.

To add to that, the fact that I let her involved in my children's lives only to have her tell my mother I was going to ruin the marriage between her and my father because me and the kids were around to much. Also, when I let her take my daughter for a sleepover, she would grill my five year old for information....just digging for anything bad about us. She is so unhappy with her own life, she's got to find the wrong in everyone else's. She wouldn't know a happy marriage if is slapped her in the face. She was one of the ones telling me and my husband we wouldn't last!

So I have this to say to her....I have to write it down here because even though I would love to say this to her personally (I can't because as she's show before, anyone so much as peep a word of complaint against her, she'll have payback....I want my parents to walk out of that farce of a company on their own accord, not because that pathetic loser lies to get them out)I don't want to make it harder on my parents than it already is.

You are the worst kind of human being there is. You use people and their emotions against them. Fifteen years of kindness, support, help, is thrown in the faces of the people who would and have done anything for you. You took and took and never gave in return. The reason you have the job you do is strictly because of my parents....not your skill. The girls you are working with now must be even bigger morons than you if your praises are being sung buy the idiots that own the business...that and you know how to kiss ass just so. You need this job because you have nothing else. Maybe you should take a good look at who you are deep in side and I think you'll find the reason you are alone. It's not because of the way you look....on the inside, you are an ugly, hateful, manipulative, conniving, hurtful, selfish, nasty person who doesn't deserve the people you HAD around you. My mother didn't need you...she wanted you as a friend. She still has a family who absolutely adores her, and a husband who will forever be in love with her...something you will never have because of the way you are. You are a user who has to tare everyone around her down to make herself feel and look better. That is a sad, and pathetic existence and I hope some day you see what you've done and have lost because of it....and I hope that makes you change. Then maybe, just maybe you'll have a life.....until then, enjoy what you "THINK" you've taken from the only person who truly loved, cared and could stand you. Because from where I stand, it's not much....she still wins.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Wow! It's been eight years since I've married my wonderful husband and I swear I only blinked once! It's been a wild and crazy ride so far, but I can't wait for the next 8, 15, and 45 years. Everyday some new thing, drama, kisses, hugs....We've made it through so much and I'm so proud of the family we've built. There were quite a few people betting it wouldn't last six months, so I take great joy in telling those same folks they were soooo wrong. Not too much joy though....I don't want to jinx anything, he he!

But, as I've gotten oh so used to through the years, I'm celebrating it with just me, the kiddos and a big pot of beans on the stove. We'll do something in a couple of days, and he surprised me with three cards and my favorite chocolate bar, lol, that man knows me so well.

So, here's to eight years of excitement, joy, fears, tears, buying houses, birthing babies, loosing pets, hugs, kisses, first holidays, first steps, burned dinners, then finally yummy suppers, schools, jobs, funerals, soccer games, missed school programs, bills, and lots and lots of laughter. So just keep laughing with me honey...the best is yet to be! Love you always and forever....
L