A poem by a fellow LEO wife....

Does he know...
How my heart beats when he walks out the door,
Into a world with many cares its apathy and so much more?

Does he know...
How often I think of him and whisper a little prayer,
That God will gently take his hand and lead him in His care?

Does he know...
How my eyes light up when I hear him on the phone,
And feel the sense of reassurance that he's close to coming home?

Does he know...
That I wear a smile when I see him walk through the door,
And that I'm glad he thinks our family is worth his fighting for?

Does he know...
How much I need him, and the joy I feel inside,
To be the wife of a deputy I'll cherish my job by his side?

Julie Crumpler

Thirteen minute mile

That's right! I've been able to finish a mile in 13 minutes or less for a few weeks now, but I was so affraid with the time I took off from the gym and working out (that would be a week and a half to be exact) that I would go back and it would all be shot to hell. Well, I started back today and not only had I not gained any weight, which is a miricle in it's self, but I was in fact able to finish my mile in 12:59! YES!!! SCORE!!!!

L

Shift bids are done and the results are in!

He stays the same shift (2nd) but his days off are now Thurs and Friday!! We are both really excited because this really does open up a lot of time now, where we will have more opportunity to spend time with each other! It's hard to have any type of "date night" when all your options are Tues/Wed. and kids have to be in bed for school the next day and babysitters have work. Soooooo, we are very happy! Plus, we have really gotten close with our awesome neighbors over the past year and when it was summer we were literally getting together once or twice a week. When school started back and kids had new bed times, it kind of came to a screeching halt. We've missed them and hope that with these new days off, we'll have some dinner nights again!

I'm just so thrilled to have my hubby on as close to a "normal" schedule as we'll probably get....woohoo!!!

L

What I'm learning....

Slowly but surely, I'm trying to better my life. I'm destressing, decluttering, delittering everything....from the house to my emotions. I'm trying to learn that with doing this, I'm going to become a better wife, mother, daughter and friend to everyone including myself.

I have always been a worry wort, but with the arrival of each child came a new found sense of fear, worry, and stress about every "what if" imaginable. From illness to money, I'd freak out about it before there was even anything to worry about. I was keeping me from keeping up with the kids, the house....life. I was missing out on so much because I was so worried about everything it was making me very depressed and I didn't even realise it. I thought it was just the way I was. I don't like that person and I'm trying very hard to change her.

This sound very cliche, but getting up in the morning and going to the gym has helped. I think that is has because I'm starting the change with myself. If I'm feeling good than I'll want to come home and clean, play with the kids, wait up for my husband. So not only are the kids getting more of me, but the love of my life isn't having to come home to a messy, cluttered house and a wife that is already asleep, because that's all she wants to do. He gets to come home and have someone there, up and waiting to hear about his day, and just talk to each other like we used to. Bless his heart, he loves me to much to complain about me, but I know he could see there was something not right with me. He just adjusted himself to it and went on. But I love these people way to much to make them adjust to the way I was.

I'm learning to let things go more. I'm thinking things were all a mess because I was trying to hard to make everything perfect and in turn making them worse. Not letting things work themselves out, I was pushing and the hard I pushed and tried to fix problems, the harder I was making it for them to straighten out on it's own. If there is a glitch in life, I'll try to fix it, but if that doesn't work, then I'll know to just let things happen. I'm hoping in doing that, life will be smoother and my emotions will be better also. Maybe listening to my guides more, will help...they know better than I do!

So, here's to the end of another year. I have to say it was a good one, but I'm hoping with the end of the old me, and the beginning of a new year,the new L will be even better!!

Love to all,
L


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.


L

Feeling so much better....

Thanks to getting my booty up and going to the gym. It's amazing how something so little like a good cup of coffee and a trip to work out in the morning can put a whole different outlook on life.

So, here's the exercise stats for today!

30 min of strength training
24 min of cardio (mile in a half on the treadmill)

Here's to hoping I can jump right in and be as gung-ho about it tomorrow!!!

L

How 'bout them Cowboys!!!

Now I will admit, I'm a pretty fair weather fan, but I come from a long line of Cowboy Football enthusiasts and I love how the season is going so far! 6-1...not to shabby!! I'm already planning my Super Bowl party! Oops...do you think I jinxed it?

My view on something....

I really had to write this down because I know husband is getting sick of hearing it whenever this comes on the tv. HANNAH MONTANA CONCERT TICKETS!

Ok, now keep in mind, I do have a young daughter who loves her and I would love nothing more than to get her some awesome tickets for her birthday, but when they started climbing well over 200 a ticket, that idea quickly left. My cousin was able to snag some for under 100, and for that I congratulate her! That in itself was a near impossible feat! They're upper seats, but by God, under the century mark, so this is not for her.

I see these women, mothers, on the tv, griping and whining about how the scalpers "stole" all of the tickets before they had a chance to buy them and are driving up the price, but then turning right around and shelling out their money to buy them! Now if the scalpers didn't think idiot people like you would pay that incredibly disgusting price for concert tickets...FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!! More than likely they wouldn't have even given Hannah Montana tickets a second thought! The fact that you people will pay that kind of money is ludicrous and speaks volumes of the values we are instilling in out children today.

My thing is, it seems the parents today have lost something that out parents had. It's a very simple thing really...and I don't think it will kill us or our children if they should ever come in contact with it. I really think it will help these parents deal with how much these tickets were going for and I'll share with you what it is. You sit your child(ren) down, look them in the eye and say, "We can't afford it." Give them a hug and walk away.

If you are a semi wealthy person, and you want to take a little of your cash and take your little wonders to see this show, than by all means....doll your little sweeties up and go have fun. But these people who are scrapping, SCRAPPING to get these valuable little pieces of paper are the most insane people walking. Are you that afraid of little Susie getting a little disappointed that they won't get to go that you are willing to rake together any cash you can to unload hundreds, and thousands of dollars for nose bleed seats! Are you so unnerved that your darlings might get their little hearts broken because you said no! Well, if you really want to know what is wrong with these wreaks we call kids these days, take a good look. It's because somewhere along the line we stopped saying no to our children. We will make ourselves broke to make them happy. Well I say this to every kid around including my own....TOUGH! Get over it...life, as you will soon find out is full of disappointments far greater than this. If you want something badly enough, you have to work for it. Our children are being brought up in a society that caters to them...they have the finest clothes, the newest phones, and the highest priced cars. Hell, these little folks are having sweet 16's that rival large weddings, and for what! What are we teaching them?

My kids have quite a bit...they have everything they need and a few things they want. They have modest parties and Christmas's, but only because if they get EVERYTHING they want, what's to look forward to? What's to dream about? The do hear the words no and quited often, I'm sorry, we can't afford it. I'm not ashamed, and I'm not afraid what if one of the other parents hear. I'll yell it from the roof tops! We are a one income family with a career choice that let's face it doesn't make millionaires. But what I do hope to give my children, free of charge, that no, you won't get everything you want, and yes you will have disappointments...but I assure you my loves, you will survive!

Whew! All this because I'm overloaded with "OMG! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PAY 1000.00 FOR MY KIDS TO GO TO HANNAH MONTANA!!! Come on people...I think there are more news worthy stories out there other than total and complete idiots!!

Muah!
L

Six Flags Fright Fest 2007!!

The county had their annual Six Flags day and we had a blast! Other that it being about 92 with 100% humidity it was so much fun and something we really look forward to every year! Plus, along with the tickets, free parking and lunch, we also get passes to holiday in the park and that it my absolute fave!!!

Brough to you by a fellow LEO wife!!

A man once asked me, besides the tickets and the donuts, Whats it like being a cop? As I forgave him for his ignorance, years and years of memories Spun round and round in my head And the only answer I could give him came out in a collage of single words. That any cop would understand. Academy. Badge. Rookie. Patrol. Honor. Valor. Bravery. Drunks. Bar fights. Car chases. Foot chases. Felons. Perverts. Cop haters. Cop killers. Marijuana. Cocaine. Meth labs. Battered wives. Abused children. Murders. Suicides. Accidents. Fatalities. Mental patients. Dirty needles. Dirty trailers. Deep nights. Weekends. Overtime. Marriage. Kids. Divorce. Marriage. Promotions. Demotions. Politics.Good cops. Bad cops. Funerals. Gray hair. Wrinkles. Years. Blood. Sweat. Tears. Live it. Love it. Hate it.-A cops life.

ByAndrew G. Hawkes

Oh sweet, sweet mercy!!

I think, THINK summer has finally broken....no nineties here for the past few days and let me tell ya....I can not WAIT to see my next electric bill! There had better be a drastic difference on the down side, or so help me!

I haven't had the air conditioner on in the house, and I swear, it has never smelled better! I for one, hate the way a house starts to smell when the windows have been shut tight for months at a time! So those first few days of nice weather, when you get to open everything up and the house actually breaths are wonderful! There is a slight front coming through as we speak and I can hear the wind dancing with the leaves....the slow rumble of the approaching storm....the breeze playing with my curtains and all I can say is it's HEAVEN!!

Unfortunately, one day this week the ninety degree mark is suppose to rear it's ugly, oppressive head again, but hopefully, it'll only be one day. I'd hate to make everyone in the family sweat their butts off for any length of time, because I swear, I am done with turning the air on for this year! The next time someone messes with the thermostat it had better be to turn on the heat! I just hope that's a ways away!!
L

Little shout out the the coffee gods!!

I was in a pretty dark place last night, but it's totally amazing how therapeutic that sweet, sweet nectar of the Gods can be. A strait from the oven cinnamon roll and a hot cup of coffee can cure close to anything...I feel like I could run a marathon....eh, maybe I'll just clean the house instead!
L

A little pity party...number attending? One.

AF showed up today, and I cried. I cried because I was almost 10 days late, and while I've always been on a 30+ day cycle, you still talk yourself into the whole baby idea whether you want one or not. Husband says we're done, and even I on most days if asked would agree.

In my mind, I know we should be done...we have two happy, healthy kids, and really, what more could you ask for. I just don't know if I will ever be able to with any kind of reality, close the door on that part of my life. That part is really the most wonderful, magical, precious, fulfilling space in time that will forever be with me. Even with the little bit of drama that came with the first, and the misery that came at the end with number two, I'm totally and completely still as in love with that part as ever. I know there are very cool things to come with the next chapter of raising these little wonders, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. When you become a mother, even from the first glimpse of that beautiful double line you will never be the same...you are forever changed in the most wonderous way, and to have such closer with all of that is heart-breaking and something I don't think I will ever be able to fully do. To never be able to hold one of my babies so neatly in my arms again is something I'm having a very hard time doing. And no, having my husband say "I'm sorry, but I don't want any more" is not some magic wand that makes it all go away. I'm not sure that this feeling ever will....so for now, I will go kiss my beautiful little ones that are not so little anymore, and try to put this sadness back up on it's little shelf....I'm sure I'll get it down again someday....
L

So when did six become the new sixteen?

I'm just curious because I seem to have a pre-pubescent monster in my midst. When did I go from being the greatest thing walking to the most embarrassing person known to man? I remember when it was just Em and me...dad was always at work so it was just the two of us...pals, buddies, mamacita and babylove. Now, omgosh Mom!! WHAT! When the heck did I become mom? I put my sweet baby to bed with her saying "goodnight Mama!" to this psycho
chick moaning "where are my pancakes....MOM!!!"

I'm hoping it gets easier...at least that's what gets me through the night...
L

I Wish....

I wish....two very simple words that we all use everyday...not really putting any thought into the meaning behind it. It's mainly in the context of "I wish this driver would move!" or "I wish work was over." I try and think of my "I wishes" as goals....it's fun to sit down and really think about what you wish for....they can be as realistic or fanciful as you want...that's the beauty of it. So...here's some of mine.

I wish I was thinner...(working on it and getting there..little by little), I wish there were more money and less bills, I wish I was less of a pack rat, I wish I could figure a way to slow time down, I wish it was more feasible to have another baby, I wish I could find a cure for cancer and Alzheimer's, I wish I could get my daughter to stop rolling her eyes at me, I wish I could get those Hannah Montana tickets for her, I wish I could let go of jealousy, I wish I could calm down and stop living in the land of what if, I wish I could get rid of this agoraphobia, I wish I could be comfortable around people, I wish I could let down my guard, I wish for more time with my husband, I wish my grass would cut itself, I wish I were closer with my extended family, I wish I could let go of certain anger issues I still cling to, I wish I could blow off certain things, I wish I didn't worry so much, especially about things I can't change, I wish I could just let go period, I wish for a certain amount of wealth...not the obscene kind...just to be comfortable, and not worry about bills and what if's..., I wish I could not care so much about what people think, I wish for health and happiness for my family and friends....to be here all together for a very long time, I wish to be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, and granddaughter, I wish for a life after this one....that this isn't all there is....that we're all here for a purpose and after that is done, there is something else for us....that all of the things I believe are true and the end comes, it's not the end, but a new beginning for us.....

For my Husband..."The man behind the star."

It takes a special kind of man
to wear a star and gun
To devote his life entirely to fight
the battles that must be won.

So often he's not appreciated
for the job he has sworn to do.
But he'd gladly lay down his life
because he wears that star for you.

Some seem to think
that he really has it made
That all he does is ride around
for the salary he's paid.

But every time trouble appears
he's the first one that they call.
it's only then they realize
he's special after all.

There's a man behind that star
who has feelings just like you.
So seldom does he get praise
for all the things he'll do.

If you ever stop and think
of what he faces day and night
You'd respect what he stands for
and learn to treat him right.

There a man behind that star
and he's not made of steel
and the things we watch on T.V.
to him are very real.

He has a family of his own
he can laugh and he can cry
Each day he puts on that star
could be his day to die

He chose to uphold the law
a decision made from his heart
To protect us with his life and give
each child a better start.

Try always to remember
there's a man behind the star
and he'll be the first to help you
no matter who you are

You should say a prayer each night,
to thank God that he's there.
When you see him on the streets,
you should show him that you care.

Without the sacrifice he makes,
we'd always live in fear,
He should be commended
to wear the star he holds so dear.

He's never turned his back on you,
faced danger close and far.
All Americans should salute
the man behind the star.

by

Traci Rutherford

My Little Man and his first hunting trip!!!

He thinks he's so big and special because daddy took him on his very first hunting trip! He's growing up so fast!!

PS...I hope not to offend any anti-hunting individuals out there...I'm far from a hunter, but I did marry one, lol!!

Have I mentioned I love these kids?

If not...I sooooo do!!!

When teddy bears go bad...

then they have to be arrested. I guess one of little man's bears was stepping out of line because he was forced to take him to jail...and what a fight it was. Little man had to chase him all the way from his room and tackle him...then while trying to get his arms in the proper cuffing position, I suppose the bear was getting sassy and Little Man ordered him to put his head down and stop resisting. Then he reached around to the waist band of his happy feet undies (standard uniform for the Homestead SO is of course t-shirt and undies...we like to keep it real around here) to get his cuffs and finally put the criminal bear under restraint. It was quite an ordeal, but I'm happy to say that this lovey will no longer be a problem....whew! LMAO...it's never boring around here!
L

Who can you trust?

As it seems, not the woman who we have called friend and family for the past, oh lets see, almost 15 years. My parents got her the job she has now, helped her move several times, supported her through a divorce and any other mess she got her self into. They hid her from debt collectors (still are) and are the reason she has kept the job she has now. If it hadn't been for them, she'd been fired long ago.

A little back story...My daddy has been working for the same company for well over 35 years and is the reason it's still running today. My mother has also been involved with the business in some form or fashion for just as long and has personally worked there for over ten years. They got this woman her job a few years back out of the kindness of their hearts....they wanted to help out their "friend". The company got into tax trouble thanks to the owner and was sold. Not to the person who has kept it going, fought to keep crap trucks running, kept accounts from going else where, but to two bumbling idiots who decided they wanted to play with a wrecker company, so went to daddy to buy them one. They wouldn't know the ass end of a truck if it was stuck right in their noses. They have no idea how to run a business, so they hire the bank to the finances, a lawyer to run the wrecker safety, and a bunch of cold bitches to run the phones. They have given my mother's job to those said bitches that also wouldn't know common sense if it was shoved completely up their bums.

This said "friend" has done her best to force my mother out....talking behind her back, bad mouthing her to the bosses, and anything else she could do. She is extremely cold to my mother who has done nothing but support her and stand by her through everything. Mom let her into her life, her kids lives and now her grand kids. The fact that we let her into every aspect of our lives makes me sick. Countless times she would take both her and her mother out, treat them to a day of what ever they wanted to do (mainly because between them they have nothing) because she felt for them and wanted to make them happy. She'd listen to them bitch about everything wrong with their lives and the one time she needed them for support because emotionally, she was going through a rough time, she got told how stupid she was...she had no right to feel that way because she had a wonderful husband, good kids, a home and stability....she was crazy and needed mental help. That's the thanks she gets for so many years of friendship.

To add to that, the fact that I let her involved in my children's lives only to have her tell my mother I was going to ruin the marriage between her and my father because me and the kids were around to much. Also, when I let her take my daughter for a sleepover, she would grill my five year old for information....just digging for anything bad about us. She is so unhappy with her own life, she's got to find the wrong in everyone else's. She wouldn't know a happy marriage if is slapped her in the face. She was one of the ones telling me and my husband we wouldn't last!

So I have this to say to her....I have to write it down here because even though I would love to say this to her personally (I can't because as she's show before, anyone so much as peep a word of complaint against her, she'll have payback....I want my parents to walk out of that farce of a company on their own accord, not because that pathetic loser lies to get them out)I don't want to make it harder on my parents than it already is.

You are the worst kind of human being there is. You use people and their emotions against them. Fifteen years of kindness, support, help, is thrown in the faces of the people who would and have done anything for you. You took and took and never gave in return. The reason you have the job you do is strictly because of my parents....not your skill. The girls you are working with now must be even bigger morons than you if your praises are being sung buy the idiots that own the business...that and you know how to kiss ass just so. You need this job because you have nothing else. Maybe you should take a good look at who you are deep in side and I think you'll find the reason you are alone. It's not because of the way you look....on the inside, you are an ugly, hateful, manipulative, conniving, hurtful, selfish, nasty person who doesn't deserve the people you HAD around you. My mother didn't need you...she wanted you as a friend. She still has a family who absolutely adores her, and a husband who will forever be in love with her...something you will never have because of the way you are. You are a user who has to tare everyone around her down to make herself feel and look better. That is a sad, and pathetic existence and I hope some day you see what you've done and have lost because of it....and I hope that makes you change. Then maybe, just maybe you'll have a life.....until then, enjoy what you "THINK" you've taken from the only person who truly loved, cared and could stand you. Because from where I stand, it's not much....she still wins.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Wow! It's been eight years since I've married my wonderful husband and I swear I only blinked once! It's been a wild and crazy ride so far, but I can't wait for the next 8, 15, and 45 years. Everyday some new thing, drama, kisses, hugs....We've made it through so much and I'm so proud of the family we've built. There were quite a few people betting it wouldn't last six months, so I take great joy in telling those same folks they were soooo wrong. Not too much joy though....I don't want to jinx anything, he he!

But, as I've gotten oh so used to through the years, I'm celebrating it with just me, the kiddos and a big pot of beans on the stove. We'll do something in a couple of days, and he surprised me with three cards and my favorite chocolate bar, lol, that man knows me so well.

So, here's to eight years of excitement, joy, fears, tears, buying houses, birthing babies, loosing pets, hugs, kisses, first holidays, first steps, burned dinners, then finally yummy suppers, schools, jobs, funerals, soccer games, missed school programs, bills, and lots and lots of laughter. So just keep laughing with me honey...the best is yet to be! Love you always and forever....
L

Man, I could use a break!

As I sit here typing this my youngest is dancing around in a fit because I won't jump up and get him a rice crispy treat...that and because his sister is looking at him. My oldest is griping because her drawing is not looking perfect and I still have to take Husband his dinner. I didn't go to the gym today because let's face it...I'm walking like a 90 yr old seeing as how I took the summer off from the gym and I am p-a-y-i-n-g for it, yikes! I feel like I've been kicked in the booty a few hundred times. Oh well...it'll get better and the kids will start acting nicer, and I'll be in a better mood, but if this little girl does not stop pestering me about another stinkin pen I'm gonna blow!

Now after that little tantrum of my own, I love these stinkin twits so much it hurts....them along with the rest of my messed up life is something I take so much pride in I'm probably really obnoxious about it. These people are why I get up in the morning and hope so much that I can be worthy of them. Sometimes I know I have my moments of not being the greatest person, but I guess anyone of us can say that. It's Friday, but Husband won't be off again until Tues. and those two days are the ones I really live for. We didn't have that much time to be just married (15 months to be exact and 9 of those were focused on me and the soon to be baby) so the days he can be home are the best. Unfortunately, he's got several off duty jobs so sometimes it's more like one day off. I'll take it though, lol!

Well, I guess I've spilled my guts enough for one day. Now I'm off to take Husband his dinner and come home to walk with the kids so they can ride their bikes....I gotta do something to work this soreness out of my tushy!!

L

Hello bloggers!!

I'm L and I'm married to an LEO (law enforcement officer) and let me tell ya...if you thought being a cop was hard, try being married to one. They have tremendous stress in their line of work, crappy schedules, not the greatest pay and are really despised most places they go. You see, their the bad guys, the pain in the asses of the people they stop and ticket for breaking the law....but how dare them they stop me, right? I love my husband to the ends of the earth, and if I didn't I wouldn't be able to bare this line of work for him. All of the dinners with just me and the kids, school programs missed, and generally feeling like a single mom most of the time is hard to handle sometimes. Luckily I have a wonderful support system and that really helps. Plus being married to one of the greatest men I know is a plus.

R and I were high school sweethearts and got married when I was 18 and he was 19. We are about to celebrate our 8th anniversary and when I think back on what all we have been through it amazes us every day we made it. R was hired with the department not long before our first little one was born. He worked his way up from the jail to dispatch for almost six years and early last year was one of five sent to the academy. He was so proud and excited...he had wanted this so badly for so long, and with every option for school seemingly a dead road, he finally got a break. With a wife and baby at home, you hate to leave a stable government job for a what if at a different agency, you know? So he's finally doing exactly was he's always wanted and I'm so proud of my wonderful husband.

I've dealt with the crappy days off, shift work and no holidays off for almost seven years, so that's nothing new to me, but sending him out in a world that lets face it is pretty nasty is still pretty fresh. I love him and our life together, and I'm getting numb to the whole fact of danger, but some days are harder than others.

So, that is the point of this blog. My family has a website, but I'd rather not put my personal stuff on there. I share enough as it is and with this I'm going to be selfish, he he!!
L